McSweeney's Kiddy Fun

It's frightening how erudite some toddlers are. McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Letters to the Editor of Babybug, a Magazine for Readers Age 6 Months to 2 Years.

As a noted scientist...

WAYS IN WHICH SHE COULD HAVE
BLINDED ME WITH SCIENCE.
By Jules Lipoff

She exposed me to excessive ultraviolet radiation, which gave me terrible cataracts.

She removed all traces of vitamin A from my diet.

more...

Its too late to catch the wave

but enjoy some lolcats anyway at I can has cheezburger

Self-Reference in Pie Charts

Haven't you ever wondered what percentage of pie charts resemble pac-man? I know I have.

my sense of humor?

the Wit
(61% dark, 30% spontaneous, 15% vulgar)


your humor style:
CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK


You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat.

I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer.

Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion.


PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais




The 3-Variable Funny Test!

- it rules -

This is Unacceptable

Bush Confounded by the 'Unacceptable'

President Wields Word More Freely as His Frustration Rises and His Influence Ebbs

By R. Jeffrey Smith

Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, October 13, 2006; Page A10

President Bush finds the world around him increasingly "unacceptable."

In speeches, statements and news conferences this year, the president has repeatedly declared a range of problems "unacceptable," including rising health costs, immigrants who live outside the law, North Korea's claimed nuclear test, genocide in Sudan and Iran's nuclear ambitions.

Vegiforms® - Lee Valley Tools

Vegiforms® - Lee Valley Tools: "Available in the form of an elf for shaping eggplant, melon, pumpkin, and squash, or the 'pickle pair', corncob or heart (makes heart-shaped cross sections when sliced) for use with cucumber, zucchini and summer squash."

Why carve jack-o-lanterns when you can grow them?

Jack the Cat Chases Black Bear Up Tree, Jack the Cat Proves His Mettle by Chasing Black Bear Up Tree in N.J. - CBS News

Jack the Cat Chases Black Bear Up Tree, Jack the Cat Proves His Mettle by Chasing Black Bear Up Tree in N.J. - CBS News: "(AP) A black bear picked the wrong yard for a jaunt, running into a territorial tabby who ran the furry beast up a tree _ twice."

Funny, I have yet to see a bear chase a cat.

The First Post : OK Treadmill

The "Willy" award for best use of gym equipment in a music video goes to: OK Go via The First Post

Jesus Is Not a Republican

A compelling read from inside American Evangelicalism.

"The leaders of the religious right have led their sheep astray from the gospel of Jesus Christ to the false gospel of neoconservative ideology and into the maw of the Republican Party. And yet my regard for the flock and my respect for their integrity is undiminished. Ultimately it is they who must reclaim the gospel and rescue us from the distortions of the religious right."

Some days the cat eats the bear

from: http://newsradio88.com/pages/44478.php

WEST MILFORD, N.J. (AP) -- At least one bear in West Milford doesn't want to know Jack.

Jack is a ten-year-old orange-and-white tabby. And when the cat spotted the bear in a neighbor's yard, the clawless kitty took action.

The bear scurried up a tree on Sunday and eyed the cat for 10 to 15 minutes, while Jack stared and hissed from the ground. The bruin inched its way down before jumping off and running away.

But Jack chased the bear into the brush and up another tree.

That's when Jack's owner realized what was happening and called her cat. The bear took off as Jack rubbed up against its owner and the neighbors.

Jack's owner, Donna Dickey, tells The Star-Ledger of Newark Jack considers the area his turf and doesn't want anyone in his yard.

a highly suspect ancient chinese encyclopedia listing of animals

I rather think this is bogus, but it begs the question: where do you put a fabulous stray chihuahua that is trembling and just broke your flower vase?

In The Analytical Language of John Wilkins (El idioma analítico de John Wilkins), Jorge Luis Borges describes "a certain Chinese encyclopedia," the Celestial Emporium of Benevolent Knowledge, in which it is written that animals are divided into:

1. those that belong to the Emperor,
2. embalmed ones,
3. those that are trained,
4. suckling pigs,
5. mermaids,
6. fabulous ones,
7. stray dogs,
8. those included in the present classification,
9. those that tremble as if they were mad,
10. innumerable ones,
11. those drawn with a very fine camelhair brush,
12. others,
13. those that have just broken a flower vase,
14. those that from a long way off look like flies.

People doing the "Furry Lobster" must find a new name for their abberent behavior

From CNN

PARIS, France (AP) -- Divers have discovered a new crustacean in the South Pacific that resembles a lobster and is covered with what looks like silky, blond fur, French researchers said Tuesday.Scientists said the animal, which they named Kiwa hirsuta, was so distinct from other species that they created a new family and genus for it.

why do i find pictures of animals wearing these so funny? what's wrong with me?  

More infinite cats

infinitecats: Now has their own domain. Update your links, and then start at the back and move forward using previous link for the full cat-tunnel effect.

FactCheck.org

FactCheck.org - Annenberg Political Fact Check

Sweet site. Seemingly non-partisan truth serum applied to political ads. Me like.

What the hell?

BILL CLINTON:

Mr President, I had mixed feelings coming here today, and they were only confirmed by all those kind and generous things you said. It made me feel like I was a pickle stepping into history.

I mean, normally he's fairly cogent, how did he allow Bush to show him up? Did GW's civility take him that much off guard? Was he drugged by Secret Service before being allowed before the President? Was it not really Clinton at all?

So many questions.

OUTRAGE!!!!! Must. Dismiss. Rumsfeld. NOW!

MSNBC - Rumsfeld ordered prisoner held off the books

Isn't it about time this guy goes down? Heck, make it a two-fer and dismiss Ashcroft as well!


from MSNBC:

Pentagon officials tell NBC News that late last year, at the same time U.S. military police were allegedly abusing prisoners at Abu Ghraib prison, U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld ordered that one Iraqi prisoner be held "off the books" - hidden entirely from the International Red Cross and anyone else - in possible violation of international law.

Bruce Sterling on How American Science is Doomed if Bush Re-elected.

Wired 12.06: VIEW

Meanwhile, gaps will open between research establishments in the US and other countries, much like the one that now yawns between American and Korean stem-cell producers. US science will come to have a stodgy, old-fashioned, commissar-style inability to think and act freely. Yankee initiative and ingenuity will bow to bulging pie-in-the-sky superprojects like unproven antimissile systems, hot-air broadband initiatives, and swashbuckling moon shots.
Eventually the whole vast bubble will burst of its own fairy-tale unreality. Few will be held accountable. The quackeries will be purged, forgotten, hushed up. Except, that is, for the lasting effect on the health, morale, and self-esteem of the American people.

Talk to the good boy.

Yahoo! News - Can Dogs Speak? No, But They Understand, Study Says

His owners say "Rico, wo ist der (where is the) Banane (banana)," or "BigMac" or "Panda," and the dog searches, out of sight of the owner, until he finds the object.


Fischer and colleagues set up experiments to test the dog, and are satisfied that he understands the words.


"For instance, he can be instructed to put them into a box or to bring them to a certain person," they wrote.

Too cool.